The Little Things

God has been slowly working in my life the last few months. I recently turned 40. Quite a milestone. Working up to my birthday I decided to work on a project to find 40 random people to bring kindness and joy to. It was such a fun project. I am always thinking of other people that the last person on my list was myself. I received over 40 cards from family and friends, which was my gift to myself. It brought me a lot of joy. I needed that joy.

I have been struggling with chronic sciatic pain for over two and a half years. A month or so ago I finally decided to take action. I signed up for a DYI online course to help me manage my pain. I had been suffering for so long that I was frustrated and on my bad days super crabby. I didn’t think anything was going to change. I was a bit pessimistic at the beginning, however I happy to report that my pain has almost disappeared. When my pain does increase I start doing the exercises in the program. I believe God put this program in my path so that I could start moving forward in other areas of my life.

I have considered adopting a child a long time. As I started processing what I hope for my future child I came to the conclusion that I wanted my future child to have more confidence than myself. After this discovery I decided it was best to begin working on this for myself. I am so happy with my progress. I know that God has great things for my life ahead and having more confidence can only help me achieve those things.

I am still considering adoption, but it is hard. I don’t know how I can move forward right now. I am in a difficult position. I feel forced to choose between my current family and my future family. I don’t know what God has in store for the future. I sure hope it involves raising a child, but maybe it doesn’t. I still hold onto that dream he gave to me many years ago about holding my daughter in my arms and feeding her. I get mad at God sometimes because I can’t have this thing that I have wanted so badly. Sometimes I feel like I have no purpose. I hope that God has something so much more for me. That is what I am holding on to right now.