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God’s the Gardner
God’s the gardener and He needs to pick the weeds out. The weeds of doubts. The weeds of the lies that you tell yourself. If you let Him pull out the weeds from your life, there is more space for His love and more space for Him to help you along the path that He has prepared. Maybe you feel as if your garden is full of weeds and nothing good can ever come from it. Let Him work in your garden (heart & mind) to restore your bed to a more natural way. Letting God is difficult when you don’t feel like you measure up or if there is…
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Interrupt
I knew I was struggling, I just didn’t know how much I was struggling until I took a moment to stop and pause. The last couple of years have really been a lot. My anxiety has definitely increased. I knew I needed to figure out the cause of my heart palpitations. They seemed random. I could tell that when I felt out of control, they were worse or increased in frequency. So I started to interrupt the cycle. Just a little at a time. I started with a daily devotional book, Jesus Calling. Then I introduce another daily devotional via the Bible app on my phone. Then I introduce mediation.…
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I’m Ready Now
I wait. I listen. I’m on this journey. Sometimes it doesn’t go the way that I envision it. But you see the big picture. You know what is next in this journey. You have given me the strength to take the next steps. What I didn’t know is that you have been putting this on my heart for years. Maybe it’s been part of your plan and I was trying to take a different path. I’m ready now. I’m ready to make peace with the next step. It means that I have to make peace with coming to terms of not being a biological mom. I’m ready to be a…
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Be a Unicorn
She made her way into the crowd of people. Recognizing only one face in the sea of many, she glanced down at the ground. Thoughts rushed into her mind like: am I supposed to be here? Is this the right place and time? I hope can find someone I know. Then her heart started racing and her palms got extremely sweaty, which she then inserted into her pockets. Soon, she made her way to the nearest wall and leaned against it, hoping that she could blend in. The awkwardness crept in even further as more and more people entered into the space. She desperately searched the crowd for a familiar…
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Can you hear me?
Prayer has been a topic that has been on my mind for some time now. It was recently brought to the forefront again after listening to a message about praying big. For me, prayer is what helped start my faith journey. I was in sixth grade at the time. I had just learned that my uncle was dying from cancer and the prospects did not look good. At the time, I didn’t know much about God or prayer for that matter. But I had a bedtime prayer in a frame on my wall in my bedroom. I took it upon myself to memorize that prayer and I used it as…
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Mistake?
Today I had a conversation with my counselor and it was mind blowing how I have been framing things. I get caught up in the what if’s, particularly the negative ones. She tried to walk me back to why this frame of mind existed. We did get there eventually. But let me back up for a minute. Yes, I am seeing a counselor and I admit that I need help to break free from my anxieties. In particular there is one I am trying hard to break free of: moving out on my own. I get trapped in the cycle of all the stuff that may not work out in…
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Rescue Me!
Below is a genre of writing I haven’t tried before, song lyrics. I had some lyrics pop into my head a few weeks ago and I just couldn’t let the start of what was in my head just disappear. They are still very much in progress, but I’m sharing what I have today with you. I have highlighted in orange the lyrics that I started with. You take me as is Broken in pieces I think I’m not enough I think I’m weak What would I give to have some love What would I give to have some strength Rescue Me! Rescue Me! Your grace covers it all…
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Happy Faith-versary!
July 28th Not much I remember about this day except that I chose to give my life to you on that day. I said come into my life and let me know even more about who you are. The other thing that sticks out about this date, is that I had a fight with my mom. I am not proud of it and I’m going to guess, I was probably to blame. I can’t even remember what we fought about, but I remember after that I had made my way to my bedroom and was in tears on my bed. It was there and then that I said, Jesus I…
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Seen – Part 4: Always
Before you were born, I knew you. I made all of you and knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). I know the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7). I know all of this, because I created human beings in my image (Genesis 1:27). I know when you sit down or stand up. I know your thoughts no matter how far away you are. I see you when you travel and when you are at home. I know everything you do. I know what you are going to say before you say it (Psalm 139:2-4). I know so much about you. When you feel weak, I…
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Seen – Part 3: Found
I finally chose to take the path that was lit up. I had been searching for a long time to identify that joy, the one that my classmate Lillian had. I searched long and hard. Finally, I decided to take the leap and put my faith in Jesus. I shared my decision with a few close friends. They understood. They knew me. My friends helped me along my journey initially, as they were all I had. A few months later I finally shared my decision with an adult, but in writing. I was a bit scared to do this, but the topic in English class that day hit me and…