Fear
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All In
I have been living on the sidelines a lot because fear just takes over my mind. It is paralyzing. So much so, that I can’t even move towards the thing I say I really want. I have let opportunities pass me by because I am too scared to take the leap or too scared the next step isn’t the right step. I over analyzing, over think, and just freeze. There are just so many opportunities I have lost out on because I was too scared to jump in and trust my own abilities to tackle that new and scary opportunity. I wish it wasn’t true. When I have my moments…
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Mistake?
Today I had a conversation with my counselor and it was mind blowing how I have been framing things. I get caught up in the what if’s, particularly the negative ones. She tried to walk me back to why this frame of mind existed. We did get there eventually. But let me back up for a minute. Yes, I am seeing a counselor and I admit that I need help to break free from my anxieties. In particular there is one I am trying hard to break free of: moving out on my own. I get trapped in the cycle of all the stuff that may not work out in…
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Doing Life Together
It is my hand that you reach for It is my love that you seek It is my strength that you desire Yet you cry out to me asking for help But I am right there beside you In all your days, I sit waiting for you to call upon my name You choose to do things your way You struggle, you are confused You long for control All you do is fight it Not trusting my word You put your life on hold due to fear Enjoy every moment that I give you For each is precious, each is a gift Let your worries be mine Let…
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Safe in the Drawer
In the morning I wake up and I look at myself in the mirror. I see my incredible green eyes. These eyes let me see who I am. I see myself in the mirror everyday that I forget that my eyes have little freckles. I was reminded today by a co-worker that I have these neat little freckles in my eyes. How unique are my eyes? But I forget that I have this feature. It is just a part of who I am. I am reminded often of this song by Hillsong Worship called Who You Say I am. In my head the words “I am who You say I…
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Baptism: Freed From My Fears
My hands are shaking. My heart is beating faster. My thoughts are racing a million miles a minute. I search for you, but I can’t find you in this place of darkness and utter confusion. Where are you Lord! I need you now, in this place, in this moment. How at this moment of my greatest need is it that I can’t find you. Do you even care that I am drowning? Does my problem even matter enough for you to reach out your hand to grab mine to say that it will be okay? What more do you need from me to just tell me that you care? I…