Facing the Mountain

Life often puts mountains in front of us. Sometimes we face them head-on. Sometimes we look for ways around them. And sometimes we just ignore them all together. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m ignoring the mountain that’s in front of me. I don’t want to face it. I don’t want to climb it. I don’t even want to see it. It’s hard to face. It’s too painful, but at some point I’ll need to face it. I’m going to have to climb it and not look for ways around it or pretend it’s not even there. So I’m taking baby steps to try to climb the mount because I need to get to the other side. No matter what is on the other side. I’m just afraid of what I’m going to find on the other side. It’s too scary, too painful. I wish there was another way, but I think I finalized realized that there is not another way. I’m just going to have and go and climb the mountain. I don’t have to climb it alone, he’ll be there by my side, every step of the way. It’s time to take a step now into the unknown and maybe it will be the life that I imagined.

He has been there throughout this year as I’ve faced challenges and setbacks. First was early in the year when my dad had a stent placed and ended up in the ER afterwards. He ended up being okay, but it was a long 48 hours for my parents. What was said afterwards about his previously undiagnosed heart condition was that it was probably a good thing that he didn’t have the knee replacement surgery. There was also my aunt who was facing breast cancer and the unknowns of whether or not she could have surgery. Now she’s going back to work in a month or so and going through recovery. I see him in everyone of these moments and I’m just so thankful that he’s been there.

I know as I try to finalize my thoughts about how I want my future life to be and if I want to adopt that he’ll be there. He’ll give me the confidence I need at the right moments. I’m excited about the future. I know that I’ll be a great parent it’s just deciding if I actually want to parent and what age I want to parent. I’m trying to process if I want to parent, because it is a huge responsibility. I know that God will help me to figure all of that all out. Right now, I’m just learning all I can about adoption and reading up on parenting stuff so that I can be ready.