All In

I have been living on the sidelines a lot because fear just takes over my mind. It is paralyzing. So much so, that I can’t even move towards the thing I say I really want. I have let opportunities pass me by because I am too scared to take the leap or too scared the next step isn’t the right step. I over analyzing, over think, and just freeze. There are just so many opportunities I have lost out on because I was too scared to jump in and trust my own abilities to tackle that new and scary opportunity. I wish it wasn’t true. When I have my moments of anxiety, I start asking myself if I even want that thing that I am chasing after. Usually the fear and anxiety win. And at some point in time, I will try again and repeat this cycle. The repeating makes my ability to be successful the next time less likely.

When it comes to your faith are you all in or do you just dip your toes into the water? Do you want to fully trust Him with every situation and every moment? Imagine two horses. One of the horses is one that only goes on trail rides and the other is a wild horse. The trail ride horse sees the same scenery every day, walks behind the same horse in line, and lives in a barn. This horse is restricted by its circumstances. Now imagine the wild horse. What is different? This horse has the freedom to run wild and to act in its full horse capabilities. It is being exactly who it was created to be without restrictions. Currently, I am acting a lot like the horse on the trail ride. I am trapped, but I can choose to be the wild horse. I have the freedom to break free from the patterns and to walk off of the trail and into the wild. It will be scary. There will be unknowns. But you know who will be by my side as I walk into the wild and choose to life my full capable life, yes, He will be there. In every step and in every moment, He will reach out His hands and hold me.

I have been reminded of the story in the Bible where Peter chooses to walk on the water after seeing Jesus walking on water. He laid his eyes on Jesus just long enough to actually walk on water. But then he got scared and sank. I am doubting myself and God’s ability to help me through the new and scary opportunities. I need to remember to just keep my eyes on Him and not let those negative thoughts enter into my mind. One of the tricks I used recently was to imagine all of the negative thoughts I had about a particular situation in balloons and then to pop them. It worked wonders for me. It may not work for you, but for me to just let the negative thoughts float up a bit in the balloon and then pop them with my mind, it allowed me to tackle something scary.

I can choose to be all in. I won’t say for even a minute that this will be easy for me or for anyone for that matter. It is going to take work and faith. I need to choose to believe in my abilities and God’s abilities to move the mountains that I am putting up in my own path. I need to forge forward despite not being able to see clearly. I need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. If I want my life to be what I have imagined it can be, I need to say yes to opportunities that scare me. I need to be able to walk into a new opportunity and know that I am walking into uncharted territory. I won’t know what comes next or how to necessarily navigate that particular situation, but what I do know is that God can help me through it.