Send an Army

Lauren Daigle’s lyrics to Rescue have been running through my mind for the past week. I have felt like I have needed rescuing. Rescuing from this pain that I have had for a couple of months. It has taken a lot out of me. I am not the me I want to be. I cringe in pain. I am distracted. I’m not fully present. I want to sleep a lot. The thing I want the most is to not have this pain anymore. I want to be rescued from this pain. Can you send me an army?

God, I found your army. They are here with me. Again, in pain I struggle to lead my girls middle school group through the night. It takes every part of my being to just even be there. I am so drained at the end of the night that I need you to fill me back up again. I stand in the lobby letting the worship songs of the high school program flow into my ears. I absorb it all. A lot of people just walk by. Some ask if I am okay and I just smile and nod. But then, you send me exactly what I need. How do you do that? Over walks the gentleman that I had just told one week prior that I have been having this pelvic pain. He could tell that I was struggling. Together we stood. Then he asked if I wanted him to pray. I said maybe, but what I really meant was yes. He knew. He prayed. It was what I needed in that moment. After, I could feel you so strong throughout my being. I ended up in tears it was so strong. I needed that and you.

You sent me what I needed in that moment. It was amazing! I am thankful to have an army of people around me. They lift me up. They pray for me. They help support me when I am down. As someone who has offered up prayers for others struggling, I never know if it makes a difference or if they can feel as if I did that night. I hope that they can. I hope that they have an army around them.

My latest update is that I am on day four of feeling decent. Who is with me in celebrating that! Last month I had about six to ten days (not in a row) of feeling okay too. I am scared that by the end of this week that I’ll be in pain again. I am hoping for more days, but praying for a miracle.