You Are Enough

A few weeks ago I became too obsessed over a guy. Yes, wow, a guy! He had shown interest in me at the time. All I could think about was the possibility of going on a date with him. It went even further, I started thinking about kissing him. I hate to admit, but I thought about him more than I did God. What is even worse is that I have done this before. The last time I was obsessed with a guy it was way worse than my current obsession. I thought about dating him for years. I even reached out to him to see if he was interested.

Now weeks later, I am glad that I didn’t do the same with this current obsession. Oh wait, I sort of did…..but he must not have seen my messages which were only by social media, so maybe he hasn’t even read them. I am glad that I have put him to the side now. 

This is what I wrote a few weeks ago: “I don’t want to become that girl again. The one that obsesses over some guy just because he showed the slightest interest in me. I already seemed to be captured by the fact that he has showed even the slightest attention in me. I’m already planning the future, but he has yet to ask me out. How did I get this way? I don’t want to be that girl. I don’t want to be the one that is sitting around waiting for him to email me. I don’t want to be the one who can’t get her mind off of him even though we have really only just talked a bit.

Instead, let me place my focus on you my God. For you are the one that deserves my obsessive love! You should be my focus, not some guy that could be. Only you will place the right guy into my life at the right time. I need to choose to be patient waiting on you. It is so hard though. I want those wedding bells and I want to be a mother. The more and more I wait and approach the point in my life where it could be harder to have a baby, I become more anxious.

In my singleness, there have been plenty of years where instead of me focusing on you, I chose to focus on the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend. Honestly, that was super depressing and not healthy at all. In more recent years, I have chosen to point my life more towards you and focus on what you have to say for my life instead of what the world is saying. It has been hard and hasn’t come easy at all. There are those days where I find myself in tears, but certainly not as much as I used to before I chose to become content with where I am at in my life. I have done things as a single that I might not have been able to do if I had been married and had kids of my own. I cherish that very much. 

I feel ready to move on to the next chapter of my life where I am able to share my life with someone. With time, I have faith that it will happen for me. I’m choosing to trust in Him and place my focus on Him and what He has to say about my life. As much as I want to have a relationship with a guy, I want my relationship with God to grow even more.”

I realize weeks later that, yes, I might have “goofed” by reaching out, but it was worth a shot. I also realize that I was able to move past my obsessive stage and focus my attention back on God. I want to hold hands with you my God! You have taught me in recent years to learn to be more content with who I am at this moment. Yes, it is hard to see others in relationships, I can’t ignore that. But knowing that at this moment I am exactly where I need to be has become enough for me. I desire for you to be enough for me. I plan to enjoy every minute of my singleness.